Britney's sex tale bombs on TV

LONDON: Singer Britney Spears put her private life onshow, including the love story with her current husband, in the first part ofthe documentary Chaotic broadcast lateTuesday on UPN cable televisionchannel.
The 50-minute film, often shot with a hand-held camera byBritney herself, raises the curtain on the pop star''s daily life while on tourin Britain, including her make-up and warm-up sessions and excerpts of the showitself.
But between the images of her work-filled routine, filmedbefore she met her husband, the loneliness shows through. "Do you believe inmarriage and engagement?" she asks her hairdresser, make-up artist, bodyguardand driver.With no great hits and chartbusters to her credit,
Britney Spears hasn''t stopped hogging the limelight and leaves noopportunity that comes her way to hog the limelight.
If she''s notgetting sued for possibly singing someone else''s song, she''s getting ready toproduce and star in a terrible-sounding film.
And now, to add to allthe madness, Tuesday saw the premier of her reality television show,Britney and Kevin:Chaotic.
..., who has had no hits in the pastyear.
MSNBC says "it makesSurvivor look like cinema verite", and report that Britney only ever talks aboutsex, all the time, like a filthy man in a raincoat on a parkbench.
USA Today revealsthat the opening shot of the show was a close-up of Britney''s knees. "They looklike boobs, but they''re not. They''re my knees", Britney points out, finallyputting an end to the age old ''are they boobs or knees?'' debate.
Thecritic from The Washington Post notesthe profound philosophy of Kevin Federline when asked about love. "Love islove", he tells us. There''s a chance he went on to declare "a pen is a pen"and...
... "a lapdancer is a lapdancer".
TheBoston Globe called it "a tediouspublic exercise in self-importance" and show a small amount of pity for Felicia,Britney''s assistant/servant/performing monkey/whipping girl.
Thoughthere are people who do believe that the show would be panned even if itfeatured tap-dancing elephants and an appearance from Zombie PrincessDiana.
When one of them puts the same question to her, Britneyanswers: "I don''t believe in marriage. You know, I was married," referring toher wedding in Las Vegas to her childhood friend Jason Alexander last January.It lasted a mere 55 minutes before it was annulled.
Britney says sheis looking for "someone kinda sweet and nice and that loves me a lot."
But there''s also the argument that watching a young woman pushing avideo camera inches from her own face and talking self-absorbed claptrap doesn''tactually constitute entertainment.
Like we said, we have no clueabout chaos that has romped the television, but we would like to know more aboutit from the people who have seen it.