Expert warns parents never to say THIS to their child as it leads to 'irreversible' damage

Parenting is a never ending learning phase. You can never learn too much about parenthood. Raising a human being is definitely nothing less than a challenge, and one obstacle in this path is always more demanding than the previous one.

Recently, Luke Coutinho, Lifestyle Ambassador for Fit India Movement, shared an interesting piece of advice on parenting on social media platform, Instagram.

In the post Luke talks about an "irreversible" damage that is done by parents. "....this has scarred so many people up there and i know patients in their 60’s who have still not yet overcome this scar," writes Luke in the caption.

Read: Sudha Murthy's timeless parenting tips are too relevant to ignore

“You were not wanted”

“We never planned you”

“We were not prepared for you”

“You just happened and we had to carry on with our lives with you”

The feeling of abandonment which is deliberately or non-deliberately put into a child's mind- with a purpose of hurting or as a passing joke- debilitates the young mind forever.

Luke urges parents not to put it in the young mind that they were not wanted and were never planned and that they just happened and things went ahead with it. "That their birth was a mistake and unplanned; This is the one of the highest form of abandonment that sets into their subconscious mind," says Luke.

Young minds bottle up everything they hear and they see-- be it good or bad. While good things nourish the young mind, you can never see to what effect the bad thing has harmed it.

"The number of teenagers, adults that we consult with on monthly basis with sickness, pains, conditions, etc. have struggled with this situation and emotion of being told by their parents that in any way, that they were a mistake or not planned," says Luke who is also an Integrative & Lifestyle Medicine expert.

"...there is nothing cool in glorifying and telling your kid that they were a mistake or not meant to happen …the problem is where people need to be honest they are not but they are for all the other crap ….the damage is almost always irreversible," he says.

The World Health Organisation (WHO) defines violence to children as child maltreatment which includes: physical and/or emotional maltreatment, sexual molestation, abandon or neglect, commercial and other forms of exploitation, causing actual or potential harm to the health of the child, their survival, their development or their dignity in the context of a relation of responsibility, confidence or power.

Exposure to trauma from childhood not only deteriorates the mental growth of a child, it is also a predictor of serious health issues in the years to come. Studies have established that experiencing violence can make the body age more quickly at a biological level. As per a research published by the American Psychological Association, kids who suffer trauma from abuse or violence early in life show biological signs of aging faster than children who have never experienced adversity. Trauma exposure was associated with early puberty, cellular aging and changes in the brain structure the study found.