Parenting is a tough journey
On one hand you are an over-exciting parent who wants everything best for the child, on the other hand you yourself are in a learning phase.
Parenting is not just bossing around kids and making them do what is right and what is not. A big part of it involves making them understand why something is right and why something is not.
Read: Study sheds light on the factors that are roped in to name a child
When we talk about the challenges of parenting, an important topic is expression of emotions. How to facilitate a healthy exchange of emotions between two individuals who are new in their respective field and are generations apart in their wisdom and intellect?
Dr Jazmine, whose Instagram account goes by the name themompsychologist, gives her opinion on this matter. Sharing a post on the social media, Dr Jazmine talks about how to best share your feelings with your kids without overwhelming them or creating dynamics of emotional manipulation.
"It's ok to share your feelings with your child as long as"
You are not blaming them
The first point, the psychologist has shared is that do not blame your kid/ kids for how you feel.
To a user's comment on what do I do if my feelings are because of their behaviour??, Dr Jazmine replies," it usually stems from frustration that you are not on the same page. What you want and what your child wants can be two different things and this can lead us to feel triggered. Does that resonate? I will usually say something like “I’m frustrated because I don’t feel like we’re working as a team…” also - check out my recent post “This is why you’re mad at your kids."
You are not making them responsible for taking care of you
Do not overburden your child with the responsibility of taking care of you. Also, do not expect them to care for you just because you are taking care of them.
Burdening them with something that they are not aware of can create a gap of communication between you and your kids.
You are not making excuses for what you did when you were upset
Accept the fact that the more transparent you are with your kids, the better will be your relationship with them and it is the better way to teach your kids.
Do not make excuses for the things or the words you said when you were upset.
You are not showing them unhealthy ways to cope with feelings
If you are sad and indulging yourself in unhealthy things you need to stop that right now.
Teach your kids how to cope with emotions in the right manner. Show them the right channel to release their feelings.
You are not sharing your feelings because you want to change their behaviour/ choices
Do not use your feelings as a weapon.
Use it genuinely as a method to establish an understanding with your kid. Do not starve them of proper communication. It might take an uglier turn than you had anticipated.
Other relevant points
The expert also says that as long as you are not dumping your feelings on them with no discussion about how you plan to take care of yourself and not speaking negatively about having feelings, it is fine to share your feelings with them.
In another post she has talked about how parents can enhance their patience level when around kids. She shares the following tips:
“My child is doing the best they can with the brain they have.”
“My child needs me to stay calm + present.”
“This is not an emergency.”
“My child is trying to communicate something to me.”
“It is okay for my child to feel upset. All emotions are ok. “
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