Ways parents abuse their kids emotionally: Signs to note and phrases to STOP saying

The complexities and challenges of being a parent are known to many. Besides having to take care of children's needs and wants, there's a whole lot of work that goes into shaping their behaviour and personality. However, in doing so, often parents forget the difference between what is right and what is toxic. Gaslighting for instance can be extremely negative and harmful for your child's development.

For those of you, who aren't aware of the term, 'gaslighting' is a very subtle form of emotional abuse, wherein a person manipulates another by psychological means, making them question their own reality.

That said, gaslighting parents have the ability to cause their children to question their own sanity, memories, or perception of reality. If you still do not understand what gaslighting is, here are certain signs to watch out for...

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People do not necessarily have to see eye to eye when it comes to a certain event or opinion. Similarly, when children go through and describe a certain situation, parents may not look at it the same or may view it very differently. However, when as a parent, you deny your child's lived experiences and tell them otherwise, you somehow invalidate their feelings and emotions, while making them self-doubt themselves. This is one sign of gaslighting. Even though you feel differently, you do not have to shun their experiences. Take their opinions and ideas into consideration and communicate how you feel about it.

Children are not as good at word-play as adults. That said, another aspect of gaslighting is when parents twist and turn facts just to make them sound more reasonable and right. This is how manipulation takes place, where parents use psychological means to alter their children's reality and suit their own purpose.

Every child has their individual personality. As parents you must let them work on it and grow to be a better person. However, gaslighting parents fail to understand that. They in turn tell kids what they're like and make them feel worse about themselves. For instance, if a child is in a difficult situation or has made a mistake, rather than emotionally supporting them, gaslighting parents tell them that they're 'uncaring', 'selfish' and 'irresponsible'. This makes the children doubtful of their own abilities.

As far as gaslighters are concerned, playing the victim is a common trait. Parents who are efficient at gaslighting their kids have the tendency to act as the victim, talking about how much they have sacrificed for their children, their day to day stressors, and more. This can take a considerable toll on a child's psyche.

While criticizing is nothing like caring, some parents fail to see the difference. Often, gaslighting parents create an impression that their overly critical behaviour is for the best interest of the child, which is not the case. Yelling, chiding and punishing your kids under the guise of care is absolutely wrong. Communicating and respecting their decisions and opinions is how you can reach out to them productively.

Here are some common phrases, parents may not realise are examples of gaslighting:

"You're so selfish"

"What are you talking about? That never happened"

"Why are you being so sensitive?"

"I criticize you because I love and care for you"

"Stop being so dramatic"

"You're not hungry, just tired"

"You should have done your homework"

"You should have been more careful"

"Are you not a good kid?"