Who is a bully?
Bullying is a repeated action of putting people down, humiliating and harming them mentally and physically. Besides using physical aggression like hitting, kicking, slapping and more, bullying also consists of verbal abuses, making threats and resorting to blackmail to intimidate people. It can be done face to face or people can also resort to the internet, leading to cyberbullying.
A bully therefore is often the perpetrator of all the negative actions listed above. They're disliked and despised, but they're also mostly popular and as seen in the movies and teen drama, everyone wants to remain in their good books, which is also one of the reasons why they thrive.
Now, we all know why bullying is bad, what kind of impact it has on our children and the lingering effects of the same, but it is also important to understand the psychology behind why one bullies in the first place. No one is born a bully, just like no one is born a thief. A lot of factors go into the making of a person and therefore, let us try and find out what causes a bully to be a bully.
Why do people bully?
Experts believe bullying starts at an early age and can peak around ages 11 to 13. As a child becomes older, the bullying streak may decrease in some.
"Most bullying occurs in and around school and on playgrounds, although the internet lends itself to particularly distressing forms of bullying," reads a Psychology Today report. It adds by saying that approximately 20 percent of students report being bullied at school, as per the National Center for Education Statistics.
That said, it is important to note that children are very impressionable and are likely to be affected by their environment. There are several factors that could impact a child's mind and drive them to take up aggressive measures.
According to an official US website stopbullying.gov, bullying is often associated with power imbalance, which is why the victim is often younger, weaker and smaller than the bully. Because the bully wants to feel secure, wants to maintain their superiority and feel supported, they choose to resort to aggression.
That said, kids who feel secure and supported by their family, school, and peers are less likely to bully, claims the government website.
Another factor that could be the reason behind a bullying streak is perceived threat. Just how they want to maintain their power, bullies also aim towards eradicating a lurking threat, be it in the form of competition or otherwise. They do so by pretending to be full of confidence and determination, instilling fear in others.
Bullies can be a product of unresolved trauma
When it comes to a bully, they often seem strong, powerful and sorted in the sense they have everything figured out. But they're also like onions, they have several layers. Once you peel those layers, you will find how unresolved past traumas can also be one of the several reasons behind their bullying nature. While the actions of a bully are never justified, there is a need to see why they do what they do.
Some bullies come from families where they themselves have witnessed or been a victim of bullying and aggression themselves. They may have had parents and friends who could not provide them with necessary emotional support. Bullying is therefore a learned behavior, often an outcome of a problematic past.
Also read: Tips to help your children from carrying your trauma
Raising kids who are less aggressive, more sensible
Just like parents are worried about whether or not their children are bullied, they should be equally concerned about whether or not their children grow up to be a bully. That said, here are some ways you can avoid raising a bully.
- Make sure to be involved in your child's life. Listen to them and acknowledge their achievements, while guiding them if they're wrong.
- Ensure that your child respects people irrespective of who they are and where they belong to.
- Do not neglect sibling aggression and make sure that one does not bully the other.
- Communicate with your children if they seem upset about something. Do not dismiss them if they have a conflict issue with you.
- Educate your kids about bullying and talk about the ways it can impact people.
- Teach them kindness.
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