His/ her story: "Whenever things are fine between my husband and me, my mother-in-law interferes and causes fights... What should I do?"

I have an arranged marriage, and I live with my in-laws. I have been married for 10 years now, and over the years I have noticed that my mother-in-law tries to control my husband. Whenever things are fine between my husband and me, she would always intervene in such a way that we end up fighting. Moreover, my husband always listens to her and I feel he doesn't truly care about me. What should I do? Please help.

It's been 10 years to my marriage, and my wife and I have gone through many ups and downs together. However, as my mom says, I think my wife hasn't really adjusted to our family-- and maybe, she never will. I try to do my duty as a husband, but I'm kind of confused about our marriage-- did I choose the right partner? And if so, how do I bring the spark back in our marriage? I don't feel like discussing these issues with my wife, as it could lead to more fights.

In country like India, marriage is not just a union of two people but the union of two families. Who could be from totally different cultures and mindsets. A couple need love, respect, and emotional understanding to lay the foundation for a strong bond, but external influences, especially from family members, can sometimes disturb marital harmony. Sometimes, it can lead to a lot of miscommunication and misunderstandings, inturn leading to fight between partners. In such situations, rather than acting impulsive, having patience and healthy communication can bring fruitful solutions.

Living in a joint family is not easy. It needs patience and emotional strength. You have been married for 10 years and you always tried to keep the relationship peaceful. But when your mother-in-law keeps interfering, it creates fights between you and your husband-- and it is natural to feel hurt and ignored in such times. Every wife wants love, respect, and support from her husband, and when his attention goes somewhere else, it really pains the heart.
But remember— marriage improves with calm talks, not arguments. Your husband holds a strong bond with his mother and he could be feeling stuck between you and her. He too must be stressed about this whole situation. Choose a peaceful time and speak to your husband. Don’t blame him; just share how you feel in those moments. Say “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always do this.” Respect his relationship with his parents, but gently remind him that your marriage also needs boundaries and balance. Spend more personal time with him, like going on walks, or dinners, so that the bond between you two gets stronger and healthy. And you both feel safe to share your inner feelings. When the bond gets stronger, there will be no room for miscommunication or misunderstandings.
At the same time, focus on yourself too. Do things that make you happy — work, hobbies, self-care. When you grow from inside, you become stronger and more confident, and it helps you handle family situations better.

You and your wife have been together for 10 years— that shows love and commitment. In a joint family, a husband has two big roles: Being a good son and being a good husband. Sometimes family opinions affect your thinking, and you may feel your wife hasn’t adjusted fully. But you need to understand that she has come from a different family and culture and is staying with your family now. She has made a lot of sacrifices. She could have a different opinion too, but it doesn’t mean that she has not adjusted. All this confusion is because of the communication gap between you both as a couple. As you already mentioned that you stop talking to your wife just to avoid fights; but this will create more stress and misunderstandings in your relationship. Instead, talk to her calmly. Appreciate her efforts and share your feelings with kindness. She needs your emotional support and understanding. Try building a stronger bond with her by spending more personal time with her, so that you both feel safe to share your thoughts and there will be less interference from outside.
With patience, love, and reassurance, you can make her feel safe and valued. At the same time, set gentle boundaries so family involvement does not hurt your marriage. A relationship becomes strong when both partners feel heard and supported.
Disclaimer: Views expressed above are the author's own.
NOTE: If you and your partner are facing issues in your relationship, then do write to us at toi.relationships@gmail.com and we will have experts guide you.