Dear society, please stop asking married people when they will have children

The Indian society’s obsession with weddings is pretty understandable. If there are people of the marriageable age in the locality, the ever helpful neighbours, friends and family will conspire to get them married, if not with each other, at least with someone who they think will make the perfect match. But their obsession with the couple’s life doesn’t just end with the wedding. No sooner do they get married, they have to face the big question—“Beta, when are you going to have a baby?”.

Being in my late twenties when I got hitched, I was pretty much considered an ‘old maiden’ by Indian standards. Everyone, including my loving parents, thought that we would immediately have a baby within a year or two. It seemed the urgency to have babies was even greater than getting married.

Thankfully, my husband and I moved to a different city where we were both working. Alas, you can stay away from the family but not from your neighbours, right? Thoughtful aunties of our neighbourhood never let an opportunity pass to know about our family plans. One of my neighbours could not even hold her curiosity and asked if we had left our children with our parents back in the hometown!

Strangely, my doctor seemed to be more anxious about my ‘shrinking ovaries’ than me. I can totally understand her concern and the medical complications a woman might have to face when she delays pregnancy beyond her early thirties. So every time I went for a check-up to my gynecologist, I came back with a bagful of advice. According to her, the sooner I start a family, I better it will be for me.

As the months turned into years, my parents started emotionally blackmailing me. When they realised the warning, “You aren’t getting any younger” wasn't working, they subtly changed their tactic. From my ‘child-bearing’ age, they slowly started hinting at their advancing age and how I was depriving them of the pleasure of playing with their grandchildren.

The society awaits impatiently to hear the ‘good news’ and no good tidings about career achievements or growth could make them happy. It seems like having a baby isn't the couple's decision anymore. It was a social norm and every married couple, including my husband and I, needed to follow it.

Whether a couple is childless by choice or otherwise, it’s their decision and everyone should learn to accept and respect it. What people need to understand is—a couple can get away from a bad marriage but they can never stop being the parents of a child. While age is a factor which they need to consider, but that should not be the only reason for them to have a child before they are ready. But people hardly seem to understand that, don’t they?

And if you are a well-wisher and want a married couple to have a baby, the best thing you can do is by stop asking them about it. In fact, there is a medical reason behind this. According to experts, unnecessary stress is not good for a woman who is planning to start a family and can affect her pregnancy. So, the best way to ask a married couple about their family plans is to not ask them at all!

(All images used here are representational)