How to talk about money with your partner: 5 easy ways to approach finances in a relationship

Pick any romantic movie and the script almost writes itself. A boy meets a girl, they fall in love, something tears them apart, they fight their way back, and the final frame insists they lived happily ever after.

It’s sweet, sure, but it’s selling an idea of love that has very little to do with what actually happens when two people try to build a life together. In the real world, loving each other isn’t enough. You sit through uncomfortable conversations. You face situations that feel like they could snap the relationship in half. And nobody is turning that into a movie. One of the biggest of those tension points is money, the kind of topic that can quietly chip away at even the healthiest relationship if you don’t handle it with care.

Inside we discuss how you can carefully but assertively establish the financial dynamic in a relationship, and trust us it is better to have the talk than avoiding it altogether

When two people, coming from different walks of life, try to build a relationship: it is always better to remember that just because you are in love with each other does not mean that you must have similar tastes, choices, and preferences when it comes to various disciplines in life. For one partner the idea of a rich life can be a small cottage on the mountains and two cats, while for someone else that could be a mansion in a rich neighborhood with 3 kids. Thereby at the start of any serious relationship establish what your goals in life are, it makes the money talk much more easier.

Listen, the talk need not be uncomfortable. Ramit Sethi, a money and relationships expert, in his book 'Money for Couples', talked about this concept of 'positive money conversation'. In this exercise, Sethi suggests starting like this, ou tell your partner you want to talk about finances because you want both of you to feel connected, calm, and on the same page. Then you open the door with honesty, admitting you sometimes feel scared or behind and asking how they feel. You need to convey your anxieties without making your partner anxious.

Again, when two people live life a certain way, catering selfishly to just their needs, it is going to take time for them to adjust to the changed situations. This does not mean that they don't want to hear your side of things. Thus if something, does not sit right with you, don't flip the tables and walk from the room. Try to calmly understand and express how the suggestion has made you feel, while also presenting a better alternative.

Don't reduce your relationship to just saving money for some future goal. It is smart to save and think about future of your relationship, but it is through lived experiences that you productively move together towards a shared life.

There are three main money skills. First is earning, your job, your career, the part most people already think about a lot. Second is managing, saving, investing, and setting up simple systems so your money is organized. The last is spending with purpose, and almost no one learns it. Planning matters, but it’s also sad to reach the end of your life with money you never enjoyed. A good life isn’t lived only in spreadsheets.

This is not a day task, even though you think you are done with a talk, a very next might be waiting you the next day. All you can do is establish a comfortable space for you and your partner where conversations flow smoothly. And while all these financial talks are mechanical, at the core of this discussion are two people trying to stay together.