My husband and I have never had a conventional marriage. What we do behind closed doors is quite different from the usual marriages we see around us. My parents fixed my marriage with my husband purely for money; I have to admit that. My husband is a big real estate person who made it big in his prime years. The only thing his big-shot life lacked was a wife; someone who could love him and give him everything he wanted. I thought I would be the one for him but I had no idea that some men just can’t commit to one person.
I tried loving my husband but he never really paid much attention to me. He never really gave me love or special attention. Instead, what he did was hand out his credit card so that I can do and buy anything I want, in the world. The pleasure of leading a life of luxury entranced me, so I didn’t complain. I bought a number of shoes, handbags and all sorts of dresses from luxury stores. I visited spas and salons often. I did my best to maintain myself. I wanted to look beautiful and polished for him. And every time he came home, he never missed to compliment me. But that love always remained amiss.
It was not long after, I discovered that my husband was cheating on me. First, it turned out to be one, then two and later, clients from overseas. My husband was a serial cheater and had been cheating right under my nose. I also noticed that his eyes flicked whenever he liked someone he saw. That was quite evident. And then I discovered a string of his affairs. I felt hurt but knowing that he doesn’t love me, I didn’t lash out at him. I simply confronted and asked him about his affairs.
He replied, “don’t let this bother you. We don’t love each other and you get to have everything in the world. The way I care for you, gives me a teeny license to do what I like.”
The message was clear. He could have his ways as long as I get to enjoy the grand lifestyle.
It filled me with a rush of emptiness and I nodded. I let my husband cheat as long as I could have a luxurious and grand lifestyle. I wanted to think of my future as well, where my future children could grow up in a home of comfort and money; they wouldn’t have to struggle as me and my family did. And so, I stayed quiet. I stopped letting the affairs trouble me; I learned to cope with all the cheating my husband did, so that I can have a great future ahead of me. I continued to attend parties, and galas, buy anything I wanted and pretend to be his prized wife. I learned to make myself happy with all these, for the sake of my sanity.