This is how society judged me because I was a married woman who didn’t look ‘married’!

Sometimes, being married is not enough for a woman, she needs to look married too—shocking as it sounds, but I am writing this after what I had experienced as a 28-year-old newly-married woman. After marriage, being judged for what I wore or didn’t wear was the last thing I thought I needed to bother about. Alas! How wrong and naive I was. A woman who didn’t wear sindoor or didn’t keep a fast (on the required days) for the long life of her husband, didn’t fit into our society’s definition of an ideal wife. In fact, finding a decent house for rent became impossible because I didn’t look married!

When we went house hunting, the broker subtly remarked that my husband should go alone. I just dismissed his suggestion thinking he was one mean male chauvinist. Unfortunately, if finding a good house was difficult enough, the questions that followed were even worse. A person even mentioned that he did not want any ‘unmarried’ tenants after looking at me and smirking at my husband. The next day, I didn’t accompany my husband and to my surprise, he finally found a place.

But my troubles didn’t end in just finding the perfect house. One of the elderly woman in the neighbourhood started taking interest in what I wore and didn’t wear. She had no wrong intentions but she could hardly contain her curiosity and finally asked the big question, "Do you stay with your friend?". When I said that I stay with my husband, she looked shocked. Once she gathered her wits, she said that I didn’t look ‘married’ and I should try looking like one because it’s good for a woman if she follows certain norms.

There were days when I used to feel very lonely because I didn’t know where I belonged in the society. During any social events, the ‘married’ gang stuck together like birds of same feathers! They were very polite towards me and if politeness could kill, I would have been dead in a minute. But they never made me feel like I belonged there. I was the outsider who never kept a fast for her husband’s long life, the woman who returned home late from office accompanied by a man who was not her husband! A woman who was not like them, can never be a part of them—the message was loud and clear.

Office was different but not better. No one asked me if I was married or not but there were certain unsaid rules that loomed large in the air. If I flirted with a guy, a colleague would politely remind me that I was married. If I wanted to stay back with the rest and catch up over a glass of wine, someone or the other would ask if I am allowed to stay back late because I was married! The same undercurrent of politeness ran through their questions and the message was loud and clear—married woman should and should not do certain things!

When I returned home tired and depressed, I looked forward to the moments when I could share the thoughts with my husband. Thankfully, he would listen to all my tirades and make the right comments. As we discussed how gender inequality still exists in our society, a sense of guilt almost overpowers my senses because on certain days I envy him for being a man, who would never be judged for not wearing his marital status on his sleeves!