5 signs of emotional abuse in a relationship

Physical violence is easy to trace. But emotional abuse, on the other hand, leaves no visible marks. Yet the wounds run deep; they quietly destroy you even before you can realise it. Emotional abuse can exist in all kinds of relationships, between friends, family members, and romantic partners. It may hide beneath the surface until it breaks a person. It is hard to identify. Here are five signs that a relationship may be emotionally abusive.

Disagreements, especially occasional ones, are part of any human relationship. But when it becomes a pattern, and you are consistently being humiliated, it is toxic. For instance, mocking your appearance, belittling your intelligence, or dismissing your opinions — all these are signs. Most emotional abusers use humour as a disguise to instil cruelty. After humiliating you, they may accuse you of taking it too seriously. You may hear statements such as “Come on, learn to take a joke,” or “Oh, you are too sensitive,” when you push back. Constructive criticism and insulting are two different things.

Emotional abusers are masters of manipulation. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser causes you to question your own memory and perception. For example, when you point out something you clearly remember, they might tell you that you are ‘imagining things’. This is far more insidious than it appears, because this single act can leave you questioning your gut and instincts.

Emotional abuse is ultimately about power. The abuser wants to control you and every aspect of your life: the people you see, the choices you make, how you spend your money, what you wear, and even what you express. They may monitor your every move. They might even have passwords to your social media and bank accounts. Sometimes it may not feel obvious, as they insist that “it’s all for your safety”. But being protective and controlling are two different things.​

Emotional abusers do their best to cut their victims off from their loved ones. This may happen over time. For instance, they may complain about one of your friends. Gradually, you may feel guilty and try to avoid the connection altogether. They may glorify this isolation, saying, “I just want you all to myself,” or “I love you so much that I cannot afford to share you.” They are trying to isolate you so that you become more dependent on them. This makes it harder to leave the relationship or even seek help.

This is one of the most toxic signs, which many people hardly realise. Emotional abusers may use nicknames for you that are nothing but backhanded compliments. They may not necessarily call you a ‘loser’, but instead use terms of endearment as insults. For instance, ‘my chubby pumpkin’, ‘my little nail-biter’, or ‘my fatty pie’. They often will not stop, even if you ask them to.​