Modern swayamvaram: Saying 'I do' sans dowry

HYDERABAD: G Amrender Reddy gets a lot of marriage proposals for his sister. The talks end the moment he says he cannot pay a hefty dowry. He sold all his property and raised Rs 6 lakh, but the prospective grooms are not satisfied with anything less than Rs 12 lakh and above.
A depressed Amrender finally turned up at Ravindra Bharathi on Sunday where boys and girls, who were against taking or giving dowry, had assembled for a modern-day 'Swayamvaram'.And it was a pleasant change for Amrender to meet men like software engineer R Gowtham or real estate businessman B Sridhar Reddy, who had vowed not to take dowry. "I think it is demeaning for a man to sell himself for a price. The girl you marry should be your life partner and not a business partner which is what she is if you demand dowry from her," Gowtham said.
"I feel incompetent if my wife brings home a hefty dowry. Besides, by taking dowry you will not get respect from your wife," Sridhar Reddy added.
Having conceded this, he also fears that girls might feel more secure in their married life if they have made an investment by giving dowry. It is to clear this doubt that he attended the Swayamvaram.
"It would be encouraging if more girls took the stand against giving dowry. Dowry is the lowest form of male prostitution. If girls decide they will not buy grooms, the evil system will crumble," said L Ravichander, a High Court advocate who attended the meeting. One such girl who attended the Swayamvaram was J Madhuri, a software engineer.
"Despite being well educated and good looking, all my marriage proposals fizzled out the moment I refused to pay dowry. It is very pinching to see that they want money more than me. So I took this decision against giving dowry," she said.
Then, there are the likes of P Bala Raju whose own sisters' marriages were performed after heavy dowry dealings. So, he decided he would not give his daughter any dowry. "Unless someone takes the initiative, this system will continue. I already refused dowry-seeking alliances for my daughter and decided not to take dowry for my sons either," he said. But not all parents are so understanding, Raghava Rao, another prospective groom said.
According to him, parents force their sons to take up a particular course as it is rewarding dowry-wise. Thus they will not listen to any idealistic talk against dowry from their wards. Again many claimed that if the boy refuses to accept dowry, word goes round that something is wrong with him.
"This Swayamvaram is a pilot project to overcome all such social pressures and, if it works, we plan to have a bigger show in January," said Satya Naresh, the organiser of the show.