Now, marriages break over WhatsApp connections of partners

PUNE: She was a doctor in love with an engineer. They had met at a common friend's dinner party six months ago and had kept in touch on WhatsApp. Innocent messages soon gave way to more intimate conversations, which often continued till late in the night and subsequent meetings during the day. The story would have had a happier ending, except that she was 45, married and a mother.Her husband of 17 years had been growing suspicious about her behaviour and discovered her relationship when he scanned her phone history.
A Whatsapp group of college batchmates helped him reconnect with his girlfriend from college. Ditching the casual group chat, he connected with her personally. They hit it off well even though it had been five years since they broke up. He was married to a girl his family chose. She was still unattached though. The more he spoke to her, the more he chided himself for letting her go back then. She was smart, witty and fun to chat with.
Elsewhere in the city, it was a boys-only WhatsApp group that had a retired grandfather staying awake till late in the night. Members forwarded raunchy pictures and videos of women from across the globe. The content got him so excited that he wanted his wife to dress and behave like the women in those images. He would behave unnaturally and fight with her if she refused.
Bonding over social media is now leading to marital discord, even divorce. The women grievance redressal cell of the crime branch has recorded 67 such cases in just one month, of which 49 couples are now headed for separation.
Social media, particularly WhatsApp, is putting many marriages and relationships through the litmus test of fidelity. Easy access to the past or to the desirable, even if it is virtual, has complicated real-life relationships. Password-protected chats and the option to delete content have made many believe their mobile phone activity is safe from scrutiny. But virtual footprints have given doubting spouses legal ammunition to prove infidelity in court.
Counsellor Rashmi Joshi says half the marital dispute cases she gets are rooted in WhatsApp. "Our culture has changed so have the meanings of family and marriage. People share a forward message with others without considering if it is suitable or not. Significantly, what people delete from chat history is easily recoverable with the help of special softwares and is even acceptable in court as evidence, and is actually giving a solid base to marital disputes," she says.
Police, city-based counselors and psychologists are reporting an increase in the number of such cases over the last 15 months and experts handling them say most partners are fed up of their spouses chatting incessantly with family, friends and even strangers through the day and even late into the night. It only gets more worrisome, when they start sharing every personal information and even photos and videos.
Other social networking platforms like Facebook also lead to discords but to a lesser extent, when spouses share photographs which attract likes and comments.
"Educated couples, many with children, regularly approach us with their problems," says Anuja Joshi, a counsellor handling many such cases at the women grievance redressal cell. "Some are willing to give each other another chance, but most tell us that the trust is eroded. Couples need multiple rounds of counseling to help them resolve their problems. The habit of incessantly using the mobile phone, though, takes a lot of time to go away," she says.
The real problem, according to psychologist Himani Chaphekar is the illusion of wellness that chatting with others creates. "Through WhatsApp, we develop a superficial closeness with people who we may not be truly close to and thus find it easy to share all aspects of our life even without judging them. There may not be a face to face interaction with the person for a long time, and our mind creates an illusion of a perfect person, or relationship. When compared to the stress of our day to day life, including the strains that both husband and wife go through, the relationship developed on WhatsApp offers a solace of someone perfect to go to," she says.
In many cases, the straying spouse never has the intention to break a marriage. "The husband-wife relationship may even have been good," she says.
With WhatsApp increasingly blurring the limits of what is acceptable, both men and women need to understand the implications of their behaviour, insists Pratibha Joshi, police inspector in-charge of the women grievance redressal cell.
"We have dealt with cases of married women getting lured into WhatsApp chats with male friends who then abuse the friendship for perverted intentions. Even before they know it, the women are trapped, though they may think they are enjoying it," she says.