Continue on TOI App

Should secretly removing condom during sex be considered a crime?

TNN | Last updated on - Jun 2, 2023, 12:31 IST

1/7

Why are men secretly taking condom off during sex?

WHY ARE MEN SECRETLY TAKING CONDOM OFF DURING SEX? Stealthing, euphemistically being referred to as a new sex ‘trend’ isn’t a trend at all; it is absolutely a case of assault. For the uninitiated, stealthing refers to the secret and non-consensual removal of condom during sex. The subject has been under great debate lately, however, the legal status of the “rape-adjacent” isn’t very clearly defined. So, what exactly are the men up to?

2/7

The study

THE STUDY: The conversation about stealthing began when Alexandra Brodsky, a Yale Law School graduate, published a study about how men in some online groups are exchanging tips on how to secretly remove condom during sex. They would make it possible by doing positions that do not allow women a view of their penis, thus, not letting them know if the protection has been slipped. Such men may even later fake that the condom broke.

3/7

Is stealthing 'rape-adjacent'?

IS STEALTHING 'RAPE-ADJACENT': However, the cases of stealthing were not only limited to the men in the online forum. It is quite a common occurrence and Brodsky even had friends who had been through it. However, the sad part is the uncertainty of the act of being a case of rape or not. Brodsky refer to stealthing as “rape-adjacent” and akin to rape.

4/7

“I’m not sure if this is rape, but...”

“I’M NOT SURE IF THIS IS RAPE, BUT...”: She mentioned the case of a woman named Rebecca who was herself a victim of stealthing and is now working for a sexual violence crisis hotline. “Their stories often start the same way,” Rebecca has said, “I’m not sure if this is rape, but...” Brodsky said that she undertook the study because so many of her friends were “struggling with forms of mistreatment by sexual partners that weren’t considered part of the recognized repertoire of gender based violence - but that seemed rooted in the same misogyny and lack of respect.”

5/7

An online ‘comprehensive guide’ on stealthing

AN ONLINE ‘COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE’ ON STEALTHING: A man published a ‘comprehensive guide’ online on stealthing and why it gives him a “rush”. He said, “It was my first experience with stealth sex and the rush I experienced was more intense than I can describe… I developed my own little tricks and techniques at achieving my main objective anytime I had sex, making sure I shot my load deep inside the girls unsuspecting ****. I became VERY good at what I did.” He also classified women into types based on those who are careful about the condom being on and would look back to check. He said, “Of course you can always try the, "what's wrong? I thought you knew it was off? You mean you didn't feel it? I thought you knew!!" approach which for me has had a surprisingly high success rate.”

6/7

Why men ‘stealth’

WHY MEN ‘STEALTH’: Most commonly, men stealth because they like the way sex feels without the condom. However, by doing so, they are denying the right to bodily agency to their partners and causing a dignitary harm to them. More so, men like the aspect of exerting power on their partners and a sense of machoism that they derive from ‘implanting their seed’ inside the woman. It gives them a false sense of an upper hand.

7/7

Should stealthing be a crime?

SHOULD STEALTHING BE A CRIME: There was a landmark case in Switzerland of a man who was convicted for stealthing. However, the legal status of stealthing remains unclear. A law to specifically condemn stealthing needs to be in place as the “Survivors experience real harms - emotional, financial, and physical - to which the law might provide remedy through compensation or simply an opportunity to be heard and validated,” Brodsky writes.

Start a Conversation

Post comment

Featured In lifestyle

Photostories

Explore more Stories

Up Next

Your Privacy is Important to us

Opt out of the sale or sharing of personal information

Follow Us On

Should secretly removing condom during sex be considered a crime?

Why are men secretly taking condom off during sex?

​The study

​Is stealthing 'rape-adjacent'?

​“I’m not sure if this is rape, but...”

​An online ‘comprehensive guide’ on stealthing

​Why men ‘stealth’

​​Should stealthing be a crime?