What to say to kids instead of 'No', 'Can't', 'Don't', 'Shouldn't'

Parenting is mostly about tagging 'yes' and 'no' to the activities, manners, behaviors, communications and in a nutshell to everything that a kid does so as to get the child acquainted with what is right and what is wrong.

From "Sharma ji ka beta" to "tumse na ho paega", toxicities Indian parents need to stop right now

While it is mostly about guiding a child, many times parents tend to overdo it. The fear and anxiety of their child doing a mistake automatically pushes parents to make sure every 'no' is communicated to the child first. In doing so, they sometimes get overwhelmed and end up being more strict and authoritative.

"It can be done when time is good"

"Can be done, but not now"

"Looks good, let's try it some other time"

"Let's see what else can be done in place of this"

"What if we do this instead of this"

"Is it okay if we do this instead"

"I have an idea too, would you like to listen to that"

"What if we reserve your idea and work on it later"

“No, you can’t do this”

“Don’t ever dare to do this”

“Over my dead body”

“Don’t ruin family’s reputation”

“Didn’t I ask you not to be involved with that”

“A no is enough for you, don’t ask for explanation”

“Do not reply back when I am speaking to you”

“She is not a good girl, do not be friends with her”

A child's mind should be dealt with carefully. The best way to teach a child between good and bad is to be gentle with the bad part. Do not rush into or do not forcefully make a child realize that something is bad.

Take your time and give enough time to your child to process this. A child needs to understand why certain things don't work and why others work. It takes a lot more than just scolding and showing red eyes to kids.

Use these words as little as possible so as to keep the impact strong. Frequent use of these words, will either make the child casual towards it or else it will desensitize them.

Several child psychologists suggest parents save these words for extreme behaviors and refrain from using it again and again.

You can't just be policing your child's behaviour. Sometimes kids pick up habits from you only. They observe you, see how you speak to others and how you deal with the positive and negative parts of life.

Therefore before setting rules for kids, make sure you learn them too. Teaching originates from learning and only a good learner can be a good teacher.

Parenting makes an individual patient. The generational gap, the difference of age and the barrier of communication makes this journey extremely difficult for many parents.

While on one side there is a naive child, on the other side is a mother or a dad who has lived sufficient enough to know what is right and what is wrong for a child. While the child is attracted to everything good or bad, the parents are earnestly looking to make sure their child does no wrong. This clash of emotions and morality is a part of every parent-child relationship and one needs to understand it carefully.