From irritability to isolation: Early signs of emotional distress in teen girls

Parents of pre-teen and teenage girls are experiencing a new challenge in their parenting journey. Their sweet little girl, who could talk to a tree has also suddenly become irritable, rolls her eyes at every suggestion, and prefers to stay alone all the time. And mothers see this as a stark contrast to how they behaved when they were this age. The reality is – today, girls as young as nine are experiencing their first periods. They are too young to deal with not just the physical changes but also the intense hormonal changes they are experiencing.Inside her, there is a constant internal shift happening which leads to emotions going completely out of hand, increased sensitivity and the little girl questioning everything around her. Often, she does not understand what and why she is feeling like that, and it is even more difficult to explain it. It ultimately shows as anger, mood swings, tears and also silence. Irritability is often the first sign of emotional distress, while isolation is the extreme and one must step in to help the child. A young girl is impacted by five strong influences – her family, school environment, friend circle and her own inner thoughts. If she feels unsupported in one or more of these areas, she begins to express herself first through irritability and then begins to withdraw. While teen girls are all about drama and being over the top, loneliness is rarely dramatic. It quietly seeps into her personality, changing her completely before one can even notice to change it. From staying in her room to saying ‘I’m fine,’ to avoiding conversations and even disconnecting from activities she enjoyed, the jump can be really fast, before we even notice.Without proper guidance, this emotional energy becomes frustration. But energy in itself is not negative. It simply needs direction. While studying should be a priority, indulging in dance, sports or any other form of creative expression can become a tool to channel her energy positively. As she learns to shape her own world through creative forms of expression, she will not seek validation from friends and society and will become more self-reliant.To come out of isolation, self-awareness is the first step. As she learns to gently observe her reactions, she will be able to understand her feelings too. As she dissects the feelings into hurt, fear, insecurity, anger, she will be able to identify the root cause of her emotions, that will reduce confusion.Another way to deal with the changes is through meditation. It does not have to be complicated. Five minutes in the morning are enough to begin the transformation. Sitting quietly, deep breathing and observing one’s own thoughts without reacting will set the entire day in the same motion, bringing calm and peace.As the nervous system calms down due to the breathing exercises, the hormonal agitation too softens. The emotional storms settle down and there will be a realisation that emotions are temporary, they pass. This leads to stability and inner peace. Breathing techniques, on the other hand, regulate the mood. Meditation improves clarity and regular practice helps in strengthening the emotional balance. The five minutes in the morning can help overcome loneliness and confusion.Parents must support their daughters with open conversations. As family becomes a safe space, the young girl will be able to share her problems, confusions and emotions. Handle them with empathy and love and encourage her to meet people, be active in sports or music or dance and help her find a way to express herself.Knowledge is the greatest protection. And the little girl might look grown up, but she still needs to understand how the big world works and how small efforts can make even the biggest problem small. She still needs to hold our finger. And parents must understand that she is not being a rebel through her irritability or showing weakness as she isolates herself. These are signs parents must pick up and guide her towards calm and awareness. Help her discover her inner strengths to win in life.(Acharya Anita, Life Coach, Spiritual Mentor and Social Reformer)