My mother-in-law secretly watches us having sex!

Life after marriage is not easy and the chapters that unfold are different for every couple. So, there is no rulebook for success. Strange, weird and funny, all kinds of situations make life a roller-coaster ride. This query from one of our readers is as strange as it can get. Read on for a strange situation that she is stuck in...

My mother-in-law is a control freak and pampers my husband to the level that it irritates me. I have seen my husband feeling embarrassed over a couple of times by her behaviour but he is not able to handle it. She often gets agitated when we lock our bedroom door while sleeping or otherwise to have sex.

She reasons that if something happens to her, we will not get to know because the door is locked. Once, after an intimate session with my husband, when I dressed myself up and opened the door, I found her standing too close to it. She was surprised and went away. This has happened a couple of times since then. I think she watches us making out through the keyhole. It is strange and freaky. Please help!

Our relationship expert Rachana Awatramani says...
The relationship between a mother and a son can become fragile after the son's marriage. This is because the mother spends too much time being concerned about the well-being of her son and in most cases, she experiences anxiety due to strong attachment to the son. I comprehend that your mother-in-law is a control freak and pampers your husband that irritates you and also embarrass your husband. It can be quite a frustrating situation for both the parties.

Expert's advice…
I would suggest you sit and discuss this situation and your feelings with your husband. You can together try and come up with a solution to cope with. Secondly, you will also need to understand what makes her behave in a suspicious way. She might be feeling insecure or possessive toward his son.

Talk to her as a team:
Her behaviour of standing outside the door shows that she wants to have total control over what you both are doing. You can speak with your husband first and then speak to your mother-in-law together expressing your concerns and that you both deserve some space. You can discuss this with a family counsellor also on how you could effectively communicate with your mother-in-law. Her behaviour could be an outcome of an insecurity that her son would get emotionally detached from her and sees you as competition.

Define roles!
Lastly, you can ask her if she feels uncomfortable with any of your particular behaviour and work on creating some ground rules which will help you create space for you and your husband as well. Defining roles in the house and distributing the responsibilities help in creating boundaries between relationships.

—Ms Rachana Awatramani is a Counselling Psychologist in Mumbai

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