I chose money over love and got married. Here's how my life unfolded...

When I was in my mid-twenties and my parents were looking for an ideal match for me, I had a different mindset. My idea of a happy marriage was about travelling to exotic places, shopping without looking at the price tag of any item, and living a luxurious life. So, instead of looking for how compatible I would be with a prospective groom, I looked for how lavish my lifestyle would be after tying the knot. After meeting several men for more than a year, I finally got married to an entrepreneur who belonged to a decent family, seemed good-natured and earned a hefty amount every month.

The first year of my married life was no less than a fairy tale. We travelled to seven countries, and that too in business class every time. My wardrobe was stuffed designer clothes, bags and shoes of every brand. I never thought twice before buying anything, and I felt blessed with this new life. What about my husband? We were still exploring each other and our life was no less than a romantic movie.

However, it didn’t take long for reality to catch up with us and we soon began to experience life like a normal couple. Both of us realised that we had different areas of interest and our little arguments started turning into bitter fights. I did not get along well with his family and that was always a bone of contention between us. Further, he had a problem with my parents visiting his house (rather his villa), and whenever I went to my parent’s place to live for a few days, he taunted me by saying, “Who is going to look after my house and family? You better don’t come back if you plan to stay any longer. We already have a lot of servants in the house.”

Slowly, I started feeling like a stranger in my own house. I attended parties, went shopping, took care of the house but could feel the emotional discord between us. While I had all the luxuries at home, I craved for his support and attention. Soon we had kids, and his business trips became more frequent. Apart from asking about the kids and his parents, we hardly talked about anything else, and he preferred to spend most of the days of the month outside India. Whenever I complain, he frowned and explained, “Do you even know how difficult it is to earn money? You just know how to squander it! Your job is to look after the kids and manage the servants.” I was left speechless by such outbursts and I knew this life was an outcome of my own choice.

We loved our kids but I felt like a nanny in my own house. He was really particular about their upbringing and I did not have the luxury to defy him. He sent one of our sons to study in a school abroad and I got to know about it only when his admission process had begun. Once, my younger son did not score well in his maths exam, and he blamed me for it. While I was given the tag of being an irresponsible mother and wife, I wanted to ask him about his efforts in helping our kids in their studies, but I chose to remain silent.

Today, we have been married for sixteen years, and our relationship is not more than a social formality. We look like a happy family to the society but in reality, we hardly even sit together. My life has become a compromise and I have come to a realisation that money can buy you everything but not marital bliss. I secretly envy all my friends who might slog in their nine to five jobs but look forward to returning home every day. They have a partner who loves and care for them. They might be struggling with finances and have their own set of problems in life, but at least they are a ‘happy’ couple.

Today, when I look back and think about my decision of choosing money over love—I regret the misconception I had in those days. I wish I had realised that a luxurious life might bring you comfort but it is meaningless when there is no one to share it with. I wish I had got married for the right reasons.(All images used here are representational)