Is it wrong to talk about sex with a woman you are dating? This is what I faced when I tried doing that during a date

Every person has his or her own opinion about sex and it is as different as chalk and cheese. So, when you are dating a person and you feel strong physical attraction towards him or her, what do you do? You can either keep quiet and suffer or share what is going on in your mind. Being a well settled man in his early thirties, I am not new to this. I have dated girls and have been in love with a few with whom I had dreamt of sharing my life, unfortunately, things never turned out the way I had wanted it to be. When I date a girl, obviously, there will be strong physical attraction if I like her. Trust me, telling a girl that I find her physically attractive not always goes down well.

I had once met a girl on an online dating app and we were going steady for six months. We shared a great chemistry and I was in love with her. One night, we were on a long drive with romantic music pouring out from the car’s speakers and I was mesmerised by how she looked under the soft moonlight. It was the moment I realised I wanted to hold her in my arms and shower kisses on her. I could not hold back my thoughts and spoke my mind. Her first words were, “How could you think such a thing? You are such a pervert!”

I was shocked. I wasn’t forcing her to have sex with me. I just told her that she is the woman I would like to make love to for the rest of my life. What’s wrong in saying what I felt at that moment? We were dating each other, I loved her and found her very attractive. It was not like I would have done anything without her consent, but she treated me like I was with her only because I wanted to have sex with her, which was wrong. Before I could explain anything, she requested me to take her back to her home and gradually stopped all communication with me.

Once bitten twice shy. I never dared to broach the topic of physical intimacy with any girl thereafter. However, one of my friends (not a girlfriend) realised that I have grown very reserved and she asked me the reason. When I told her the incident, she held my hand and said, “You need to come out of it. I respect her choice that she didn’t want to have sex but she could have dealt with it in a mature way. Everyone has his or her choice, you had yours and she should have respected that.”

Years later, I was in a relationship and I always avoided the topic of sex for the fear of being judged. Sometimes, I felt like a hypocrite and my girlfriend sensed that something was wrong. When she found out what was bothering me, she explained that she wanted to have sex only after getting married but that does not mean she would judge people who indulges in pre-marital sex. We were in love and wanted to tie the knot, but we grew apart after I moved to the US. I still regret that I lost her but I will always be thankful to her for making me regain my crumbling self-esteem.

If you are an adult, there is nothing wrong in wanting to have sex with a person you love. But at the same time, you should also respect his or her choice. Consent and responsible behaviour like using a protection are the most important aspects here. However, not everyone thinks alike. Yes, you will be judged or might even called a pervert, but that does not mean you are one. You should understand that our society still considers sex as taboo and being a part of the system, you will have to understand and respect that as well.