Barack Obama’s timeless marriage advice: 3 questions to ask yourself before marrying someone

Research shows what our hearts already know: Marrying the right person increases your happiness, mental health, and even boosts your career success. A 2021 study titled 'Happy, Healthy and Wedded? How the Transition to Marriage Predicts Future Physical and Mental Health' (Huntington et al.), shows that married people have better wellbeing than those who are unmarried, with effects tied to partner quality.
And it's not just the stats as former US President Barack Obama, too, swears by it. In Dan Pfeiffer’s book 'Yes We (Still) Can', the author shares a touching Air Force One chat with Barack Obama from his last White House day in 2015. Back then, Pfeiffer was excited about moving in with his girlfriend, Howli Ledbetter. Obama, ever the wise colleague, leaned in, “This is the one, huh?” When Pfeiffer nodded, the president dropped three golden questions to decide a lifelong match - advice Pfeiffer still cherishes, leading to his own happy marriage a year later in 2016, he told CNBC Make It in an earlier interview. Here's what Barack Obama’s timeless marriage advice and three most questions were:

Barack Obama’s first gem: “Is she someone you find interesting?” Think about it - you’ll spend more waking hours with your spouse than anyone else. Endless dinners, road trips, quiet nights: If conversations fizzle, boredom creeps in. Obama nailed it - curiosity keeps love alive. Pfeiffer glowed: Howli’s insights always spark him. It’s relatable: Who wants a partner whose stories you’ve heard a thousand times? Seek someone whose mind lights yours up, turning everyday chats into adventures.

Next, humour: “Does she make you laugh?,” Obama further asked, as he knew that joy glues couples. Laughter defuses fights, eases stress, and creates “us” memories in couples. Life’s too short for stone-faced silences - shared giggles build resilience. Pfeiffer agreed: Howli’s funnier than him, a daily delight. Science echoes: Couples who laugh together report higher satisfaction. Imagine quoting inside jokes decades later - that’s the magic Obama championed.

Finally, the long view: “If you want kids, will she be a good mom?” Obama looked ahead, “Life is long - these things matter over time.” Parenting tests partnerships like nothing else. Shared values on raising little humans can either create unbreakable bonds with your partner or expose cracks in your marriage over the years. And if you decide to be child-free, it reveals your character, as that would need your kindness, patience, and teamwork to make your marriage work. In Pfeiffer's case, when Obama asked him this question, the former saw Howli’s potential clearly. Obama practised it too in his marriage with Michelle Obama: In his 2017 farewell, he praised and acknowledged Michelle as his wife, the mom to his children, and his best friend who made the White House feel like home for everyone.

Barack credits Michelle for his triumphs - she’s his confidante, cheerleader, rock. Their story inspires: From Chicago dates to White House dances, the Obamas embodied these traits. Pfeiffer saw it firsthand too - Obama’s staff spawned tons of romances (four weddings in 2016 alone!).

Legendary investor and billionaire Warren Buffett agrees too, as he once famously said, “Marry the right person... I’m serious about that. It will make more difference in your life. It will change your aspirations, all kinds of things."

So, ask yourself today: Does your person spark curiosity, crack you up, and share your future vision for life? These aren’t checklists; they’re lifelines to enduring love.

What qualities do you seek in a partner before deciding to marry them? Tell us in the comments below.