The one thing women should learn from men, according to a NY divorce lawyer

Relationships are complicated. And no one knows it better than divorce lawyers. They’ve seen fairy-tale weddings turn into bitter court battles. They have watched love stories turn into sour strategies. They have seen happily ever after transform into the worst nightmares anyone can imagine. So, yes, they’ve learned things about relationships that no therapist will tell you and no wedding toast ever covers. Lena Nguyen has spent years watching the perfect couple divide their life, money, and future in courtrooms. As a divorce lawyer licensed in California, Texas, and New York, she has seen her fair share of breakups. And here’s something interesting she noticed. It's not the betrayals or the blowups that leave women most vulnerable. It’s something that men flaunt without guilt. And according to Nguyen, it's the one thing women need to learn from men before it costs them everything.

This is a trait women are even afraid to say. But men embrace it without much thought. What’s that? Selfishness. Yes, that’s right.
Here’s the thing about marriages. Women try to protect everyone else. Most men, on the other hand, protect themselves. And at the end of a marriage, that difference costs women everything. “Here's one thing women should learn from men. It's how to be selfish. As a divorce lawyer, I've learned that male selfishness is not a flaw; it's a strategy,” Nguyen said in a video shared on Instagram.

Nguyen advises women to observe how men operate in the world. They choose convenience and advantage. They choose whatever outcome makes their lives easier, and nobody bats an eye. “No one calls them heartless for it. They call them smart, strategic, practical,” the lawyer said.
Why don’t men feel guilty for putting themselves first? “Men are not ashamed to prioritize themselves. They do not apologize for choosing what benefits them. They do not agonize over whether protecting their own interests makes them a bad person. They move accordingly, and they sleep just fine afterward,” she said.

Women, on the other hand? They put everyone else before themselves. They are raised on the gospel of self-sacrifice. They are conditioned and trained to overextend, accommodate, and then feel guilty when they are depleted. “We are praised for selflessness, even when it costs us everything,” the lawyer added.
Nguyen shared that she sees this pattern in divorce every day. Men protect their money, time, energy, and future. “Meanwhile, women walk in worried about being fair, being kind, being reasonable, even when fairness has never been extended to them,” she said.

According to Nguyen, selfishness does have dividends, and men have figured this out very early. “When you choose yourself consistently, you get stability. You get options. You get leverage. You get peace. Men understand this instinctively,” she explained.
The lawyer also explained how women, on the other hand, are taught to ignore it. “Men will leave relationships that no longer serve them without writing an essay about it. Men will say no without explanation. Men will protect their resources like their lives depend on it because they understand that, in many ways, it does. Women stay too long, give too much, carry emotional and financial burdens that were never meant to be theirs, and then they are shocked when they are burned out, resentful, and empty. This is not a call to become cruel,” she said.

The lawyer emphasized why it is important to be selfish. Healthy selfishness is not selfish at all. “It is a call to become intentional, to stop confusing self-abandonment with love. It is understanding that your life should pay you back, not drain you.”

Women, stop thinking selfishness is a flaw; it is, rather, a skill. The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself. So stop apologizing for choosing yourself. Men know this, and it is high time women embrace it.