Things I was not ready for
“Jo shaadi ka laddu na khaay woh pachhtay and jo khaay woh bhi pachhtay” - a saying I realised the true meaning of after I married the love of my life! I got married 2 years ago and it was a love marriage. Do not mistake these tips as regret because we learn from our mistakes and sort things out accordingly, but it would have definitely been very helpful had someone given me these 5 pieces of advice before my now husband and I signed for our union in the magistrate’s office on a sunny day in April. If a new bride or would-be bride or a been-there-done-that married lady is reading, then do let me know if you agree, if they are useful or not and in case you want to add something to the list!
Keep zero expectations
We Indian brides watch too many unreal or too real dramas on the TV and we sadly get influenced even though we know of the stories our married friends tell us. You may think a certain way, expect that you will get up in the morning, get a lovey-dovey snuggle from the husband and a sweet kiss on your forehead from the in-laws, then it may not happen. It might be there in some households but in general it is very rare. If before marriage your in-laws act a certain way, don’t think that it will remain so once you are in the same house. Things change. So in case you do not want to get that shock, it is best to keep zero expectations and be grateful for what you get.
The toilet/bathroom sharing can be a bummer
Not flushing but keeping the seat cover and lid down is one practice many mothers do not teach their sons. You will have to be the ringmaster here but please use love instead of the training stick. It is new for him as well to share a room and a toilet and bathroom with a woman who is permanently going to be there with him. So be patient. He may leave his wet towel around, everywhere. You will have to take another route to get to him and explain why it should be out in the sun, drying- bacteria!
Respect your own job
It is very important that you do not EVER dismiss your own job even if you are slightly angry at XYZ. The moment you criticize any aspect about your work place in front of your in-laws and husband, you give them the opportunity to use it against you the next time. Also, never quit, have a financial backup plan.
Stay in touch with your friends and family
Do not drop your friends amid the newness of your marriage. It is common and we later regret it. I too did that in the beginning of my marriage but soon realised that the missing piece of puzzle was my group of friends. They keep you sane, happy and mentally very sound! Also, your husband does not take you for granted.
Do not own the housework
You see your mother-in-law toiling away the entire day, cleaning up after everyone, doing the smallest things for the rest of the clan? She probably regrets it too! Do not put anyone into that practice when it comes to you. Make everyone share the responsibilities. You make the bed, ask your husband to help and put the dirty sheets for laundry. You can ask your family members to help you in cutting the vegetables so that your mom-in-law can watch TV with the family. Be smart! If this does not work and you see that no one is moving, try the reverse plan. If the house is messy, let it be, the rest of the members will eventually start doing things themselves. Don’t make the housework just ‘your thing’.
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