Subtle signs of toxic masculinity depicted by men in a relationship

Well, we all are familiar with instances of toxic masculinity in our lives. Whether at our homes, office spaces or in our relationships, this idea that is widely prevalent in our day-to-day lives. Toxic masculinity, as it reads, is a term that encourages the need to be a ‘man’ i.e. a man who is defined by the stereotypical ideas of a patriarchal society.

While many men tend to take pride in the machismo of being a man, they secretly are victimized in the process, which in turn creates a toxic relationship with their families, co-workers and even their partners. In our everyday lives, we may ignore the implications of such socially constructed masculinity; however, it is a matter of grave concern that must be tended to before it becomes the root of all other problems and poisons the very foundation of our society. That being said, here are some subtle signs of toxic masculinity depicted by men in a relationship.

Many of us tend to tell our young boys how they should not give into their emotions and must act like men. In doing so, we give rise to a psyche that chooses to suppress their emotions and flourishes on a stereotype that is destructive. That being said, the same young boys become grown men and adhere to the same rules of patriarchy. Even when in a relationship, they tend to hide a lot from their partners and instead of discussing their grievances and sharing their problems, they let the toxic masculinity creep in and destroy their peace of mind.

Winning and losing are two sides of the same coin and although, in terms of love and relationship, the two don’t really matter, but for a man who is suffering from the complex of toxic masculinity, it is but all about the win. As against their women, there’s not a chance that they’ll accept defeat, instead they’ll go to an extraordinary mile to prove their point, to which their partners might just agree.

In a relationship, there are instances where small quarrels lead to heated arguments. But the real problem arises when these sets of tension take the shape of violence. Many times, men who are victims of toxic masculinity tend to believe that they are physically stronger than their women and therefore are more prone to anger and violence, which is highly baseless and an incompetent lie that is very prevalent in our society.

The constant pressure and mental constraint that the men go through in terms of pleasing their partner is outrageous. The fact that men are expected to take care of their women at all times and the need for them to always protect them from danger is not only very discouraging for the womankind to stand up for themselves, but it is highly stressful for men too. One needs to understand how men can be vulnerable and weak too and that it is completely okay to be scared for once.

Pleasing ones partner has become a relationship obligation for the men. From proposing their partners to surprising them with extraordinary gifts, has become a norm only for the men. As long as one can afford it, it is all fun and games, however, once the lack of material wealth starts to kick in, the man is under constant nightmare to please their partner, which is highly toxic and poisonous to the relationships.

Well, is there really anything known as a ‘guy thing’ as many men would claim? Or is it just a stereotypical notion that men like to believe as something sacred? Whatever it is, it is just another form of toxic masculinity that needs to be discussed and rooted out. Most often in every relationship, men use this trick to evade arguments and conversations that are necessary. However, what they fail to realize is that they’re only tending to the patriarchal idea of gendered stereotypes, which will in turn stab them in the back in a different way.

- By Tenzin Chodon