Nosy Nancy to Dictator Donna: The ultimate guide to handling your mother-in-law

You said ‘Yes’ to marrying the love of your life. Little did you know that your soulmate comes with a bonus character - the mother-in-law. Whether she is as sweet as a pie or occasionally a little too invested in your business, the bonus arrives with absolutely no user manual. You could be a relationship wizard and still fumble, because a mother-in-law is one of life's greatest puzzles. You can never truly be sure whether you have an ally or an adversary, and on some days, both!
Of course, let’s not ignore the lucky few who are blessed with truly wonderful mothers-in-law. Congratulations to you. But for everyone else, who always feel walking on eggshells, we have identified some common types of MILs you might encounter, and survival strategies that just work!

Nothing really misses her radar. Not one FaceTime, not one Instagram story, not one promotion, or even your ovulation window. She will swing by on a Monday evening, and somehow already know about the argument you had the day before.
She is not evil, but is deeply invested in your life. Keeping information from her is not going to be easy, but that’s your only resort. Start with your partner. Only share what you are comfortable with. Draw boundaries. Rinse and repeat.

Her stories start with “Did I tell you about last week’s kitty party,” and always end with your private affairs. She gossips like it's open mic night. The good thing? She is spilling the tea to be close to you. She wants to be friends with you. The catch? The world is this woman’s municipal gym locker room: she is going to talk. And before you know, she will be at her friend’s place saying, “Oh, my daughter-in-law just got fired from work. Poor thing.” Yeah, you don’t want that.
As boundaries are a foreign concept to her, set yours. Never tell her anything you wouldn't want announced at a dinner party. Do not do, "This is just between us, okay?" Because it never is.

She never asks for anything. And that’s exactly the problem! She does not ask, and then she whines. She makes sure her ‘sacrifices’ are heard, loud and clear. She wouldn’t turn on the AC at night, because she doesn’t want to run up your electric bill. But she also doesn’t want it to go unmentioned!
This whining may seem harmless at first, but before you realise, you are on a guilt trip. Now, how to deal with her? Be kind, but be blunt. Meet her indirectness with directness. Tell her why you can’t do what she is trying to make you feel guilty about. After all, you can’t feel guilty about not taking her on a trip that is supposed to be just you and your husband!

She is the uncrowned King of the house. It’s always he way or the highway. She is kind of a Supreme Leader, and no one dares to ignore her iron-fisted ‘suggestions’. She vetoes your Christmas plans with a single raised eyebrow. She may even have a say in your child’s name!
Now, Donna would have been ‘ruling’ the empire on her own. She has been on the boss throne for so long. So, you don’t want to pick fights with her now and then. But strategically choose your battle. Let Donna have her small wins, but on things that are important for you, talk to your partner, and present together. Tell her that’s non-negotiable. Donna is a boss, so she will respect your strength. Draw clear boundaries, but be calm and composed when you do it.

She is like the jealous ex. She sulks when her ‘baby’ prioritises you. She acts as if you stole her ex. She always makes you feel that your ‘beloved’ was her beloved first. She will be in a competition mode 24/7. She even eyes your spot at the dinner table. Jealousy Jenny is a possessive ex.
You have to be diplomatic here. There is no need to compete with her. Instead, use flattery. Yes, flattery, loud and sharp, goes a long way. Praise her cooking. Show interest in her stories. All she needs is a little reminder that you are not taking away her child.

Most mothers-in-law aren’t villains; they are just mothers, overly possessive about their children. But you must protect your boundaries. You married your partner, not their mother. Be gentle, and be a little diplomatic. Before you wrap up, you may want to consider clearing your web history!